Wandering on the path
Le Fol, the original name of the Fool, or 'Le Mat,' the first card of the Tarot, has always grabbed my interest.
Again today, I feel attracted to the card. I am wandering on the path. Somehow I know it's going in the right direction. I always had déjà-vu, and the more I have, the more I feel I am on the right path. Lately, I have been having a lot of déjà-vu. Something is aligned. But what is aligned to what?
I am not firmly attached to the multiverse reality concept, where every decision creates a new reality. But I do feel something similar is happening as I am progressing forward. What is my goal? Will I know before I get there? Do I have to know? Does my intellect make sense of it? Relaxing seems to be the key. When I relax, I can hear better. If I can hear better, maybe I can feel or sense my direction. Calming my water-like mind, letting my needle settle in the right direction. What else can be done?
In my musical explorations, a similar quest or unknown goal keeps me moving forward. I play, and I enjoy the process. I practice and learn more, and the enjoyment doesn't change much, but there is more vocabulary or a more expansive field that I can play within. Music also helps me to relax and listen. A transferable skill which might one day help me find a direction.
I am deconstructing myself regularly. Re-inventing who I am. My intellect finds it unbearable at times. It wants a logical explanation of why I am still changing, tilling the soil of my life every season. Will I ever only be good at bringing change?
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