Wandering on the path

Le Fol, the original name of the Fool, or 'Le Mat,' the first card of the Tarot, has always grabbed my interest.

From Le Fol to Le Mat

Again today, I feel attracted to the card. I am wandering on the path. Somehow I know it's going in the right direction. I always had déjà-vu, and the more I have, the more I feel I am on the right path. Lately, I have been having a lot of déjà-vu. Something is aligned. But what is aligned to what?

I am not firmly attached to the multiverse reality concept, where every decision creates a new reality. But I do feel something similar is happening as I am progressing forward. What is my goal? Will I know before I get there? Do I have to know? Does my intellect make sense of it? Relaxing seems to be the key. When I relax, I can hear better. If I can hear better, maybe I can feel or sense my direction. Calming my water-like mind, letting my needle settle in the right direction. What else can be done?

In my musical explorations, a similar quest or unknown goal keeps me moving forward. I play, and I enjoy the process. I practice and learn more, and the enjoyment doesn't change much, but there is more vocabulary or a more expansive field that I can play within. Music also helps me to relax and listen. A transferable skill which might one day help me find a direction.

I am deconstructing myself regularly. Re-inventing who I am. My intellect finds it unbearable at times. It wants a logical explanation of why I am still changing, tilling the soil of my life every season. Will I ever only be good at bringing change?